You’re an idol worshiper!
Shalom to all! I want to share all the things that have been happening to me since becoming involved with BeEzrat Hashem Inc.
I am a 52 year old woman, ex-christian, now Noahide, studying to convert to orthodox Judaism. I never thought in a million years that I would not be a believer in JC. But last summer I started researching the origins of Christianity not from a christian perspective but more from a historical look. I also looked into why Jews do not believe in the new testament. I always read the old testament however not with the Hebrew Bible and not with proper commentary. The ten commandments I learned when I was 8 years old and I thought I was living it.
However, I heard Rabbi Reuven speak about idol worship and that if you are a christian, you’re an idol worshiper! I was like, what? No way. I thought I do not pray to Mary statues, or bow down to temples. Christians know they are not to do any idol worship. Rabbi Reuven is always great about providing sources to back up what he says. I looked up the scriptures that he spoke about proving Christians were an idolatrous cult. There are too many to list however the one that really opened my eyes was Deuteronomy chapter 4 vs 23 and pretty much the whole chapter of 4. The other big one that was a game changer for me was the scripture in Ezekiel 18 vs 20. It says, " The soul that sins, it shall die! A son shall not bear the iniquity of his father and a father shall not bear the iniquity of his son; the righteousness of the righteous person shall be upon him and the wickedness of the wickedness of the wicked person shall be upon him. Vs 21 than says, " As for the wicked man, if he repents from all his sins that he has committed and he observes all My decrees and practices justice and righteousness, he shall surly live, he shall not die. Then it continues in 32, "For I do not desire the death of the one who should die-the word of the Lord Hashem/Elomin, turn yourselves back and live. It was very clear what is the requirement for eternity was it never did mention J.C. There are so many more scriptures to debunk the Christianity ideology. The powerful video of Rabbi Reuven’s, Hashem took his millions back and gave me Emunah instead", talks about the Rabbi's wife and her conversion and what sources that convinced her to fully convert. I was very blessed listening to it and studying the scriptures they shared.
At the same time I was learning about Judaism, my oldest daughter was sharing with me the truth about Christian holidays and the root of all the traditions they do. I was horrified to learn about the true meaning of christmas and the deep truth of all the symbols used. Every day my daughter and I were learning more and more about all the lies that had been stuffed down our throat. Hashem was opening our eyes to what was true and how important Torah was. She told me she was going to convert and her husband was too. They were also going to convert six children. Not only were they going to convert but they would be orthodox. I myself was good with being a Noahide and leaving Christianity. I figured I would never make a good Jew and that it was my place to be a Noahide. However, Hashem reminder me that 22 years ago, I had seriously thought of converting to Judaism and had a feeling that my ancestry had been Jews from Spain. But when I talked to a christian about this they talked me out of it and I did not press in and let it go. But last summer while my eyes were being opened, Hashem used my daughter and the spark in her was ignited. She did family research and found that we did have direct ancestry to Sephardi Jews. She also found that our family had been burned for their beliefs and the remaining ran out of Spain for their lives and had to hide their Jewishness. This made me so angry that I threw out everything that I had that pertained to crosses, Christmas or any christian dogma. I pondered on how my ancestors valued their relationship with HaShem and were willing to do what they could to keep their Torah alive or die to be with HaShem. But somewhere down the linage they changed their beliefs and no longer Jewish. Here I was living in the land of the so called free with all my religious rights, yet lazy and treating my relationship with Hashem so casually. I made up my mind that surely I could go all the way to fully convert to orthodox and I am in that process now.
This is not an easy process. I live in the Bible belt of baptist, Pentecostals, non-denominational hard thumping JC loving and anti -Semitics. There are not any orthodox synagogues in my state. There are no kosher stores here either. Now, there are some reform synagogues, but I really want to go orthodox. Every day I listen to the lectures by Rabbi Reuven and I study Tanach. I received the Rabbi's cd and gave them out. I had to quit my job because it was questionable as far as honesty goes. As soon as I have a new job and am able, I will relocate to a Jewish community. It feels like my soul cries out to do this and will not be satisfied until I convert.
If anyone thinks they are too old to convert, this is not true. It is a bit of a weird process to rethink all your beliefs but Hashem helps very much. Every day that I read the Torah, I find that I am reacting differently to people and also my thoughts are changing for the better. Before, I would easily lose my temper if I felt I was being violated or manipulated. But now I catch myself and I have no desire to defend myself in a rude manner. Every day I work on it and look at my weakness and make a decision to repair or fix them. I do teshuva on a regular basis and see how to correct myself. I am constantly watching my eyes and ears. This is a lot to do but it is possible even after 50 years. But the one thing I kept hearing the Rabbi say is that we must make the effort and HaShem does the rest. So I make the effort to the best of my ability.
Reading the Torah and Tanach. has not only helped me in my thoughts but also in my health. One night I dreamt that I could not breathe and I had to call an ambulance. When I woke up, I found myself in a panic and it felt like I could not catch my breath. I almost did call 911. But I calmed down nonetheless it scared me because it was so out of the blue. I wrote the Rabbi and he suggested to make sure I had removed all my idols and also to read the book of Psalms. I did this and immediately this stopped the weird panic attacks and I felt so much peace. So every day I try to read Psalms along with the Torah. I try to read the commentary in Hebrew to get the full effect which I think works better. I also listened to Rabbi Reuven lectures on the Rambam on diet and exercise. Currently I am overweight but three months ago I started practicing the Rambam's principles on food. I have since lost 18 pounds and my cholesterol has dropped to 200 points into the normal range. My doctor had wanted to give me statins but I chose to research other alternatives, plus I had no money for the prescriptions. When I returned to the doctor he was very surprised to see that my levels were in the normal range. I told him my Rabbi prayed and HaShem healed me. He could not deny what the lab work said and told me that now I did not need the cholesterol medicine. Now I am not saying get off your prescriptions. But this did work for me. I still have lots of work to do regarding my weight but I will continue to follow the Rambam's outline for eating and exercising.
I cannot thank this organization (BeEzrat HaShem Inc.) enough. All I can do is continue to do Kiruv to show support and learning Torah. This is an exciting journey to which I am blessed to be part of and connected to. Blessings always to Rabbi Reuven and his team!